


Wannabe Queen

by aphrodite_mine



Category: Big Love
Genre: Community: fandom_arcana, Gen, Polygamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-12
Updated: 2006-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 22:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2127111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodite_mine/pseuds/aphrodite_mine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poor Margene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wannabe Queen

Wayne and Raymond are yelling and tumbling about in front of the ignored television screen. 

"Boys," Nicki calls half-heartedly from the kitchen, scrubbing dishes and hoping that they won't get worse and force her to get up and enforce discipline.

"Mom!" Wayne wails, "Raymond won't let me watch-" He is cut off by his younger brother tackling him and knocking him to the floor.

"Raymond, that won't be tolerated!" Nicki fights to be heard over the television and the childish grunts.

Nicki feels like she's been fighting ever since she came here, fighting to regain some sense of what she felt growing up on the compound. She knows in her mind that she's wanted here but there is always that niggling doubt, the assurance never quite reaches her heart. It's no secret that Bill borrowed money from her father for Barb's operation. It takes a lot for Nicki not to see her marriage to Bill as an elaborate scheme.

She rinses and dries her hands when it becomes apparent that the boys aren't going to de-escalate on their own. "Raymond, get off of your brother! Go to your room!" She has to bodily pull them apart.  
Raymond gets in one last kick before he trudges up the stairs. "Now!" Nicki walks after him to make sure he goes to his room and not elsewhere in search of mischief. Wayne sniffles, but is settled once more in front of the television.

She'd like to think that Bill isn't capable of such deception, that she isn't either. It would be such a pretty picture if everyone were really as holy and good as they were born to be. Nicki has to keep fighting on her own, because when it comes down to the final push and shove, she knows that a line – no, a chasm – would be drawn between her and the perfection that is _Bill and Barb_.

Because they _aren't_ good and holy. Nicki can't stop spending – God knows why. (Such a bitter pun, she laughs harshly to herself.) And Barb… carrying on with Bill as if no one else in the houses has eyes.

Nicki picks up the plate again, scrubbing it harder than necessary. She has a perfect view of the backyard from here; their little paradise, except it looks more like a dust bowl bordered by three houses and a few flowers. Nicki can see right into Margene's living room, two panes of glass and the yard between them; she's lying on her couch watching television with a vague expression of boredom on her face.

Poor Margene. Some days Nicki exerts far too much energy feeling sorry for the girl, because there was never room for Nicki in this family (a fact of which Nicki is continuously convinced), so how Margie expects to squeeze in is beyond her. She wasn't even that great of a babysitter.

Nicki sighs. Wayne seems calm for now and the dishes can wait. She rinses her hands once more, leaving the dishes for later. Drying her hands on her skirt, she doesn't even alert Wayne that she's leaving – that would give him permission to start up some ruckus with Raymond again. She just sneaks out the back door, the swish of her skirts oddly comforting around her ankles.

She takes her time crossing the yard, idly trying to picture the layout without any of the items she's purchased over the years. Do mail order companies take returns this far after the fact? Not that it matters; what's done is done. Her secret will be out soon, probably, despite her best efforts.

Margene's eyes flicker to the sliding glass door to catch the movement, and then quickly flick back to the television. Nicki knows this trick – Margene is hoping that Nicki didn't just register the eye contact. Margene is hoping that if she ignores Nicki, that Nicki will go away. Nicki's done the same thing a thousand times since she came here, to this life. It's not going to work.

She taps on the door, preparing a faint smile. She's genuinely amused at the act that Margene puts together, her double-take, surprised face before she rises, straightens her terrycloth robe and opens the glass door. "Hey, Nicki," she says, head tilting just a little to the left.

"Hello, Margene." Nicki clears her throat, uncertain of where to take this conversation now that it has actually begun.

Margene looks everywhere but Nicki's eyes. She straightens her robe again. "I was just watching ' _Suenos y Carmelos_ ' while the boys napped. Do you… want something?" The announcer for Univision shouted something in Spanish from the speakers. Margene's pronunciation was horrible. Nicki cringed.

Something smelled floral and citrus-y, and inhaling a deep breath of it, Nicki suddenly felt dizzy. She backed up against the glass door, heart palpitating faster than usual. Something was off, she didn't feel… in control?

"I… think I hear Raymond calling." Nicki grasped for the door handle, desperate, suddenly to escape the innocence and sweetness in Margene's smile, in her eyes.

"Oh... kay…" Margene's cloying voice made Nicki's lungs tighten. She didn't look back as she ran back across the yard. Once she's in her own kitchen again, the feeling starts to fade. She doesn't have to fight quite so hard for the same breath of air.

Wayne is still engrossed by his TV program, the dishes still need washing. Nicki thinks of the boxes of bills under her bed, she thinks of Barb and Bill just falling into bed, and as she once more approaches the dishes, she can't help a glance across the yard into Margene's living room where she is lounged again, in a robe that is much too short.


End file.
